


Parent's Day

by fringewrites



Series: We Can Be Happy Here [1]
Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: F/M, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, Parent-Child Relationship, Parenthood
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-12
Updated: 2015-06-12
Packaged: 2018-04-04 03:22:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,270
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4123897
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fringewrites/pseuds/fringewrites
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Playin’ house. I get it.” Rick had meant it innocently enough, though he didn’t miss the way Beth’s eyes on him changed and how her hands effortlessly found her hips.</p><p>“Is that what you’d call it if I was Lori?” those dark blonde eyebrows went up her forehead to punctuate the volatile nature of this question.</p><p>Rick let out that nervous heave of a half-laugh that he did whenever he knew he’d just gotten himself into some shit. “Probably-“he started.</p><p>Or Beth and Rick establish their relationship around Judith.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Parent's Day

**Author's Note:**

> I do NOT own The Walking Dead TV series or any of its characters.
> 
> This story is going to be a part of several series, but specifically in a series of brick stories that will go into a larger series of brickyl stories that can all be read as one large story but can also stand alone.

The bright lemon-drop sun seemed a bit too high above the tree line for Rick to feel ready to turn in for the day. With the new presence of actual livestock, Rick had gotten accustomed to getting up just before dawn, and not kicking off his boots until the trees were pitch black towers, burning dark orange at the roots, fading into purple plumes of cloud smoke, while the silver moon crawled up the horizon like a spider. Noon didn’t feel that far behind him yet but his meticulously wound watch told him it was early evening. His knees sang for mercy at him as he stood straight from his place beside the pig sty. The smell was no longer so pungent and he the sound of their pleased grunting as they ate from their newly filled trough was no longer so close. His ears were assaulted then with the forgotten buzzing of the cicadas, seeming to grow into a scream before fading into soft white noise again with acclimation. He lifted his forearm to his brow and watched the walls of the prison wave to and fro, vibrating the way all distant things do in the Georgia Summer heat.

Carl agreed there wasn’t much left for them to do there, so Rick waved him off to go get a shower and have some down time. The boy jogged a few yards away and looked back, waiting for his father to tail him, but Rick just waved him off again, a silent gesture of _in a second._ Rick took a moment to scan the yard, empty this late in the day as the children were holed up in the library for story-time, and by now fewer walkers were piling up by the fences. Still Sasha could be seen at her post in the east watchtower. Everything was in order and it wasn’t as if he could just lie there watering the crops with his sweat. He could actually be in time for supper for once rather than scarfing down the cold leftovers Carol saved for him just as everyone was settling in for bed. Rick dredged through the tall thin grass and onto the pavement, stopping in front of the tall blue barrels and twisting the tap on one of them to wash his grubby arms under the hot stream of water that splashed onto the cement. Rolling up his pant legs, he gave himself a quick once over for ticks and then headed inside.

There was little chatter to be heard amongst Rick’s cell block. This time of day was busy for most of the new members of the family, whether they were cooking dinner, doing laundry, or finishing off a hunt or a run. The only stragglers were some of Woodbury’s elderly, who didn’t have much to do around the prison but swap stories and stay sweet. A few felt inclined to wave at Rick as he passed through.  They hadn’t forgotten who he was to their lost town and they hadn’t forgotten that he was the one that made the call to keep them sheltered either, so they’d made their peace with him.

Rick strode easily to his cell, anticipating some time with his baby girl before one of the new folks would call everyone to supper. He pushed the curtain back just a bit to peer into the dark concrete walls of his room. His bed sat empty and neat where Beth had made it up for him that morning. No one was inside. He didn’t think much on it, just that he must’ve been mistaken. Rick made his way back over to where Beth’s cell was, thinking the two of them were probably in there but upon reaching it, it was pristine as if nobody had been in there all day. Worried, he asked an older woman sitting in a chair out by a window if she’d seen them. The woman’s cloudy marble eyes crinkled into a fond smile as he described the two girls to her and with a voice like cracked butterscotch she informed him that Beth usually took Judith over to a security personnel’s office outside C-block. Before she could go on painting a verbal picture of the place with her half-mast crooked finger, Rick thanked her and left.

 

 

 

Beth had wanted to set up a special day room for Judith in the prison library because it was surrounded by books and had carpeting, but Carol insisted that having a baby around would distract the children during story-time. Beth tried to negotiate seeing as the kids were only in the library for about two hours in the evening, and Judith rarely made any fuss but Carol wouldn’t budge on the matter. When Beth found the office, she was concerned about the size, but after clearing out the desk and the intimidating larger bookshelf, it actually proved to be quite roomy. It was a slow start filling the room with the materials she needed to keep Judith busy and cared for. It was easy enough asking for formula and pacifiers when folks went on runs. Baby furniture on the other hand, when there was already a set up in Rick’s cell, was a different matter entirely. However, she found Glenn easy enough to convince when he and Maggie were suspecting they might be pregnant. He said he wanted a good place in case any more unexpected babies cropped up in the prison. Soon enough Beth had a nice functioning little day room set up for Judith. She was proud of her project.

 

 

When Rick reached the door of the office he was sure he was looking for, he felt a strange phantom compulsion to knock. You didn’t come across many closed doors with something safe behind it these days. Though he didn’t actively decide against it, he passed it up for just turning the cold steel handle and pulling the door open.  Inside, Beth was sat on her knees on the floor in a clean cotton dress that was light blue like baby clothes, next to Judith who had just looked up at Rick with her big bright eyes and let out an excited squeal. Rick couldn’t help but smile down at his little girl as he stepped into the room, closing the door behind him.

“Wasn’t expecting you back ‘till she was asleep.” Beth smiled as she hoisted Judith into her arms and stood up to take her to Rick. Rick almost didn’t feel right taking Judith and letting her nuzzle into his sweaty shirt, as she had looked so clean before. He finally took the time to survey his surroundings. There were short yellow curtains over the window, with a changing table set up in front of it. Against the east wall there was a pack-and-play for Judith to sleep in, there was a rocking chair in the corner beside it, and there was a high chair for feeding in another corner, shelves lined with formula, and diapers, and toys, and books. When had anyone had the time to find and take all this stuff back to the prison?

“It’s quite the set up you have here,” Rick commented warily as he bounced Judith in his arms, taking a few paces forward in a show of investigation. “Who’d you get to help you?”

“Glenn. I wanted to make a nice place for Judith and he agreed it was a good idea.” Beth answered curtly smoothing down her dress and admiring the work she’d done on the place alongside Rick. She hadn’t exactly been avoiding showing Rick this place, he just never had the time, but she had hoped he would appreciate the effort. “It’s not exactly perfect but it can at least be a little bit like before-“

“Playin’ house. I get it.” Rick had meant it innocently enough, though he didn’t miss the way Beth’s eyes on him changed and how her hands effortlessly found her hips.

“Is that what you’d call it if I was Lori?” those dark blonde eyebrows went up her forehead to punctuate the volatile nature of this question.

Rick let out that nervous heave of a half-laugh that he did whenever he knew he’d just gotten himself into some shit. “Probably-“he started.

“Is that what you call it when someone takes care of your child all day while you’re out workin’? Are you _‘playin’ farmer’,_ Rick?” Beth said in that menacing tone that really was a dead ringer for Lori. Rick got an indignant look on his face then and prepared to get mean with the youngest Greene daughter, but she stopped him short with the expertise of any real woman he’d ever known. “No. Tell me. If it wasn’t _playin’_ before then why is it _playin’ house_ now?” Beth pursed her lips and looked away, blonde ponytail falling over her shoulder, just the picture of pissed off.

“Look, I didn’t mean-“ Rick started to try and make peace the way he was so practiced at.

“No you mean exactly what you said. I get it, this is all some silly little game of house to you because in the end we’re gonna have to ditch all of it. We’re gonna have to run and find someplace else and try and make it another day and none of it will have mattered. She’ll grow up scared for her life and killin’ walkers like Carl ‘cause that’s how it is now.” It was like Beth was possessed by the ghost of _her_.  “Then after that we die and the whole damn human race goes extinct.” Judith let out a whine of distress as Beth finished her descent into nihilism. Beth’s bug blue eyes were staring at Rick like a crazy coyote, like she was daring him to contradict her. Rick was at a loss for words. Aware that he had no rebuttal to supply her, Beth stormed passed him, leaving the door open. He could hear her soft little bare feet padding down the cement floors to C-Block.

 

 

There had to be some kind of secret that Rick had never caught onto, because everyone he’d ever watched put his children to sleep made it look so god damned easy. That night Judith was wriggling around in his arms restless and excited by the novelty of her father’s attention. As he sat on his bunk, she bounced on his lap, clapping her hands and babbling out a rhythmic stream of da-da’s. Rick was delighted at the recognition, but the cell block was a chorus of giggles and irritated shushing. Rick held her a little closer, rubbing her back in an attempt to soothe her case of the sillies. He buried his nose in the thin yellow strands over the soft spot on her head. The smell of baby shampoo was a friend so long forgotten he nearly mistook it for a stranger, but so powerful that he couldn’t miss it as he kissed her there.

 

 

 

Beth was pulled from sleep when the back of her eyelids became too bright for her to sustain her slumber any longer. She managed a good satisfying stretch along the length of her bed before it occurred to her how late it must have been. She hopped out of her cot like the devil was in it and scrambled onto her knees, messing the shelves to find some clothes to put on. Groaning, she pulled herself into a pair of jeans and slipped on the yellow tank top with the dark brown splatter stain that wouldn’t come out, before jumping into her boots and tying up the mud-stiff laces.  The girl tied her hair back into a messy pony-tail as she speed-walked to the far cell she’d missed her appointment with. 

When she found the cell barren, Beth immediately felt the stirrings of anxiety in the pit of her stomach. Beth had been beginning to lose the feelings of being righteously justified in what she said to Rick ever since she had stormed off. Now she was really starting to regret what she said. Had Rick decided to employ someone else to look after Judith today? Her mind raced through a list of possible candidates. Her heart broke at the very thought of having to take a back seat to being Judith’s primary caretaker. Pushing a stray strand of hair behind her ear, Beth knew she had to go to the day room to find her way out of the circles she was chasing herself around her head.

The door flew open and made a threatening sound as it reached its limit and the hinges attempted to close it again. Beth opened it again with a bit more grace, stepping in with decidedly less to get a good look at her replacement.

“Beh!” Judith shouted cheerfully from her high chair as Rick wiped the baby food from her dribbly chin. Rick turned on his socked feet to face Beth, all wet shampooed curls and fresh, clean clothes. He didn’t look angry, the opposite really.

“I thought you could use a break,” he offered up simply, folding the wash cloth in his hands. “You’ve done a lot for me and Judith and it’s been real work for you and I know that now. So I got Carl and Patrick to take care of the crops today.”

Beth put her hands over her eyes, just soaking in the relief of it all. “I don’t need a break. That’s really not what I meant but-“

“I know. I know. I just…this is the only way I can think to say thank you. Show you that I appreciate what you’ve been doin’ and how difficult it is.” Rick was so sure that he was saying all the right things, but it seemed to hit all the wrong notes as Beth’s hands slid down her face and looked at the floor where her dirty boots marked the carpet.

“It’s not difficult. Never. I love every minute of it it’s just-“ Rick waited for her to tell her what was wrong with the olive branch he was offering. “Doing what’s right for Jude means _everythin’_ to me.” Beth tries to find the right words. She thinks they might be something along the lines of _I didn’t mean that this was some kind of sacrifice or nothin’_ but it is. Beth’s given up a huge piece of herself for Judith, a piece Beth never really understood until then. She whispers “She means _everythin’_ to me, and if I was _her-“._ Rick knew she didn’t mean Judith when Beth said _her_ like that. Now he’s starting to understand. _If I was Lori._

“You have a very special place in Judith’s life, in her heart. You’re as important to her as me or Carl, but you can’t compare yourself to Lori anymore. Judith’s gotta grow up knowin’ who her mama was. We can’t let her memory die. “Rick tried to rationalize. He knew Beth wanted to feel that sense of recognition, he didn’t miss how attached Beth had gotten to his daughter since day one, but he had to frame it in a different way for Lori’s sake.

“Nobody is _forgettin’_ Lori!” Beth choked out in a frankly embarrassing sob. “I’m gonna teach her about Lori when she’s ready, when she’s older. But you can’t be a momma from a grave, Rick. You can’t feed her, and wake up with her at night, and comfort her as a ghost! She’s only ever gonna know Lori from the stories we tell. She deserves the real living breathing thing!” Beth wiped a tear along the side of her cheek with her palm, and Judith squirmed and whined uncomfortably from her chair, sensing the distress and wanting to soothe Beth. Rick picked her up instead, cradling her close, not sure what to say. “I’m probably never gonna get to be a momma.” Beth sounded hoarse and the tears wouldn’t stop flowing hot down her cheeks. “An aunt sure…but I’ll never be-“

Rick thought about what Beth had said about extinction. Thought about how the prospects of her finding someone to father her young have gone down to very slim pickings. Still it wasn’t impossible. “What about Zach?” Rick asked.

Beth rolled her tearful eyes. “Please.” She could snort if she wasn’t so miserable. Feeling the need to take a breather, she sat down in the rocking chair. “Before all this, I thought someday I’d have a baby girl of my own, thought about expectin’ and havin’ a baby shower and all that.” She was still struggling to find the words to tell Rick all of the important things that made this such a big deal to her. She couldn’t describe the warm heavy weight of Judith against her chest all day, every day, or what it was like to wake up in the middle of the night hearing Judith cry for her until she wound up holding Judith in Rick’s cell because Rick was trapped in a fit of hellish nightmares. How could she explain what that kind of thing does to you? How it _changes_ you?  “But there is nothin’ I wouldn’t trade to just be whatever this is, whatever I can be for Jude.” Beth called on all her willpower to look up at Rick. “I’m not askin’ for her to call me momma. I just _want to_ _be.”_

Rick couldn’t believe he’d been so dense. After all he’d learned about making family out of strangers, he couldn’t see how it worked both ways. Beth wasn’t trying to get Rick to play into some maternal fantasy of hers; she was defending her right to make a decision on what’s best for Judith, a right she’d more than earned if Rick was being honest. Judith had been extending her arms toward the blonde for a while now, so Rick finally handed her over to Beth and knelt beside them at the rocking chair.

“Hey, I don’t care what she calls you.” The words came out of his throat hard as anything he could imagine, but left him feeling weightless. Judith was going to grow up confused about the world, whether Lori had lived to see it or not. Beth and Rick would just have to learn the language, or make it up as they went along, to try and make sense of the dynamics that made up Judith’s reality. “You’re her family. You’ve taken care of her even when I couldn’t.” Rick choked on the memory for a moment, placing a hand on Beth’s shoulder.

“Neither of us cares. I wish I could un-have this conversation,” Beth laughed through the lump in her throat, as she rubbed Judith’s back calmly with her palm and started to rock back and forth.

“Nah. It needed to be said. It’s in the clear now, we’re doin’ this as a team.” Rick assured with a weary smile. “Partners.” He corrected sensing it made it sound a little more exclusive to the other members of the family. This was different after all. Beth wasn’t like Maggie, or Glenn, or Hershel, or even Carol. Beth had successfully infiltrated the bubble of immediate family that ran deeper than the one they’d built here.  “Judith does need somethin’ stable, and I think this place is it. This nursery, it’s a real start for her. We’ve got somethin’ real for her here.”

Beth smiled. She didn’t need Rick to believe in the prison as much as her daddy did, she just needed him to believe in her. Still, it felt good and made her feel sure about it too.


End file.
